March 18th

So, today is kind of a weird day for me... In a way, connected to both my angels. First... On this day in 2003, we had to turn off Kaitlyn's life support. After a few days of praying, fasting and all kinds of testing, it was clear that she was not going to make it. She was brain dead and her body would continue to get worse on the life support. The doctors showed me a few things they did while testing and though they left me so sad with nightmares of what I saw, I now see it was necessary for me to actually see she wasn't responding, rather than just taking their word for it. We worked all day trying to find a baby to donate her heart and valves to (because I am an advocate of organ donation.) We found one that would be a perfect match and did all the prep work to be approved but a huge snowstorm in Colorado City made it so the airports were closed and it couldn't be delivered there. I am so grateful for that snowstorm! It wasn't until after the autopsy, about a month later, that we found out about her non-specific congenital myopathy and had we given her heart to another baby, another baby would have died. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for not allowing that to happen, I would have felt so bad! We all said our goodbyes to Kaitlyn and when everyone left, the nurse turned off the machines so it was quiet. I was able to help take off all the tubes, wires and tape and quietly clean her up. Then we wrapped her in a blanket and held her and cried... I couldn't believe this was all real, I wished it wasn't. I was given so much support and comfort that my burdens were light and I knew this was all part of the plan and I'd be able to see her again. I am so grateful for all the priesthood blessings I received, I could feel their influence greatly. (These are my molds of Evan's hand in Kaitlyn's hand)

The second thing about March 18th is that it's Trisomy 18 Awareness Day. My baby Evan had Trisomy 18. Trisomy 18 is when you have 3 of the chromosome 18 so the special day to remember is the 3rd month, March and the 18th day. It's kind of interesting that this month is Trisomy 18 Awareness month and this is when I became aware of this condition. Last year on the 18th I had no idea what T18 was or the impact it would have on my life. I was anxiously waiting to find out if my baby was a boy or a girl-although I think I knew it was a boy... On March 20th of last year, I found out baby Evan would have complications. I have seen enough ultrasounds that I could tell from his ultrasound he wasn't going to be okay. Wow...I couldn't even tell my mom over the phone...I didn't even want to talk about it. I was crushed. I had predicted it. How had I known? I found a lot of information and support at the Trisomy 18 foundation website. I am so grateful for my angels! The Trisomy 18 Foundation represents the hope that those lost to Trisomy 18 will never be forgotten, that those who face Trisomy 18 will be supported and that one day Trisomy 18 will be eliminated. http://www.trisomy18.org