The Ice Castles in Midway 2-19-10

Way back in February, we decided to go see the "ice castles" in Midway at the Zermatt Resorts. It was Grandma T & Papa Howie, Ash & Ty, Brayden & Luke and me & the girls.

It was so neat and all the kids loved it as much as the adults!

Here's mom & Ash with Brent Christensen, the creator of these castles!

I seriously took tons of pictures so I can't put them all on... here are some though!

We came in the afternoon, went to dinner at Granny's and came back after it got dark to see it all lit up.

That was a nice family outing...we should go again next year!

March 18th

So, today is kind of a weird day for me... In a way, connected to both my angels. First... On this day in 2003, we had to turn off Kaitlyn's life support. After a few days of praying, fasting and all kinds of testing, it was clear that she was not going to make it. She was brain dead and her body would continue to get worse on the life support. The doctors showed me a few things they did while testing and though they left me so sad with nightmares of what I saw, I now see it was necessary for me to actually see she wasn't responding, rather than just taking their word for it. We worked all day trying to find a baby to donate her heart and valves to (because I am an advocate of organ donation.) We found one that would be a perfect match and did all the prep work to be approved but a huge snowstorm in Colorado City made it so the airports were closed and it couldn't be delivered there. I am so grateful for that snowstorm! It wasn't until after the autopsy, about a month later, that we found out about her non-specific congenital myopathy and had we given her heart to another baby, another baby would have died. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for not allowing that to happen, I would have felt so bad! We all said our goodbyes to Kaitlyn and when everyone left, the nurse turned off the machines so it was quiet. I was able to help take off all the tubes, wires and tape and quietly clean her up. Then we wrapped her in a blanket and held her and cried... I couldn't believe this was all real, I wished it wasn't. I was given so much support and comfort that my burdens were light and I knew this was all part of the plan and I'd be able to see her again. I am so grateful for all the priesthood blessings I received, I could feel their influence greatly. (These are my molds of Evan's hand in Kaitlyn's hand)

The second thing about March 18th is that it's Trisomy 18 Awareness Day. My baby Evan had Trisomy 18. Trisomy 18 is when you have 3 of the chromosome 18 so the special day to remember is the 3rd month, March and the 18th day. It's kind of interesting that this month is Trisomy 18 Awareness month and this is when I became aware of this condition. Last year on the 18th I had no idea what T18 was or the impact it would have on my life. I was anxiously waiting to find out if my baby was a boy or a girl-although I think I knew it was a boy... On March 20th of last year, I found out baby Evan would have complications. I have seen enough ultrasounds that I could tell from his ultrasound he wasn't going to be okay. Wow...I couldn't even tell my mom over the phone...I didn't even want to talk about it. I was crushed. I had predicted it. How had I known? I found a lot of information and support at the Trisomy 18 foundation website. I am so grateful for my angels! The Trisomy 18 Foundation represents the hope that those lost to Trisomy 18 will never be forgotten, that those who face Trisomy 18 will be supported and that one day Trisomy 18 will be eliminated. http://www.trisomy18.org

Kaitlyn and Evan

(I'm sorry ahead of time, for not being very eloquent today...I still wanted to share but the writing didn't come as easy...) A few weeks ago, in the midst of craziness, this arrived in my mailbox...

It was from my good friend Amanda. She gave me this necklace to remember Evan by. This is his birthstone and it was made a little longer to hang right over my heart! She is such a sweetheart! I really appreciate her gift!

I had to get some pictures of it right away with some of Evan's stuff!

Little did she know, it helps me keep Evan and Kaitlyn close to my heart!

This is a little angel my mom and I saw in the gift shop right after we found out he would have some complications.

The green is not only Evan's birthstone, it also reminds me of St. Patrick's Day and the month of March... Seven years ago today Kaitlyn was born.

A few days after she was born she was life flighted to PCMC. While she was in the hospital, just before she passed away, it was St Patrick's Day and the nurses put a green ribbon on her head and she got a green bear. It was nice to be able to celebrate with her...

March brings back all kinds of memories...

Here is her hospital picture that we got on our porch just after her funeral...

Here's me HUGE just before I had her

She was so special to us, still is...

I couldn't believe what a wonderful gift I'd been given!

She knew something we didn't-she knew her time was short here. I know she did.

She was given a name & a blessing just a few hours after she was born, one of my many tender mercies...

We took her home to spend forever with us!

Little did we know,

while we were enjoying her,

that our forever we'd spend with her

...would not be right now. We are so blessed to be together forever but on this earth, at this time, her time was over.

We were so lucky to be able to spend more time with her at PCMC

to hold her

to love her

to watch over her

to play with her and read to her

to talk to her

to touch her and to say our unexpected goodbyes.

So thank you Amanda, for helping me keep both my angels close to my heart!

We are going to decorate both their graves today and have some cake after dinner. It is a special time, a bitter sweet time and a time to remember how lucky we are to have two angels watching over us!

Kaitlyn's obituary and her tiny casket

March also is a big month for Evan too...I will write more about him soon! Today is KT's day so we're going to celebrate in her honor! Time to make cards and decorations!

I have the best friends ever! You have all been so supportive and loving during everything! For Kaitlyn, for my melanoma, for Evan, for my foot surgeries, for day-to-day life, for everything! I love you all! I am lucky enough to have the best family and friends! I consider my friends family and my family my friends and think about you all more than you know! Thanks for everything! (to read a little more about Kaitlyn...check here and here and here and probably other places...)