All Gone!

I got a call from the doctor today with the results from the lab. They said it looks like they got it all! Yay! The end! (except for the pictures!)

Info about my melanoma surgery

Sorry it's taken so long to report on my surgery. My computer is broken (don't know why or how) I am sooooo sad! Just a warning, this is a long boring post. I just had to write it to record it for me! I won't feel bad if you don't read it all! ;)

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I went into the doctor's last Wednesday at 4pm. The doctor said I had a kind of Melanoma that wasn't invasive (if you left it alone it would be but at this point it hadn't spread.) He said if you have to get Melanoma, this is the kind you want! I didn't have to go under for the surgery. I was glad (I am pregnant so I had worried about that!) It felt like I laid on my belly forever during my appt because first they had to decide how to cut to get the most out. I wanted it to be an up and down incision but doc know best and in order to cut less and get more he made the incision parrallel to the ground when I am standing. The hard thing about doing it that way is that at my age your calf is usually pretty tight so there wasn't much extra skin to pull together. They had to position 2 big pillows under my leg so it was bent enough to do the cuts and stitch back together. Then the nurse shot me all full of lidocaine. Okay, not all full! Just in the place they'd cut! She tested poking me all over to make sure it was numb all over. Finally it was time for the melanoma to get cut out! Shawn was so interested in the whole thing! I didn't watch or peak-I just looked at his face! Apparently when you cut tight skin even just a tiny bit it pulls right open big. Anyways, they cut out a chunk of skin and tissue to send to the lab. I still don't know if they got it all but hopefully they did! I guess I didn't bleed a ton so they didn't have to cauterize lots. I did feel it once and ouch it burned! Just before that, I also felt a nice big snip! Ouch! The nurse felt so bad that I was able to feel parts but it wasn't her fault! She didn't know exactly how far they'd need to go until I was opened up! Luckily, that's all I felt-a snip and a burn...better than what I was expecting! They did a few layers of stitches and the top layer, which I'll get out on Jan 27th, had 11 stitches in it! I love the number 11 so I was happy when I counted that many! lol It took about 1 1/2 hours total. When I got up after and was walking down the hall I started twitching, shaking and my teeth started chattering! I warned Shawn that I thought I was going into shock and felt like I might pass out. He said I'd been laying down for a long time and just to hold onto him and I'll be fine! I was glad to sit down in the car!

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The doctor told me to take it easy, don't stand too long and don't run or jog. I had to laugh at that because if he knew me he'd know that I just don't do that! (run or jog!) The first day I tried to be VERY careful because I couldn't feel it and didn't want to be more hurt and not know. I was afraid to go to sleep that night because I thought I might wake up in the middle of the night in a lot of pain! I was afraid my leg would straighten and it would wake me up. Neither happened! Yay! The next day I started to feel it. It wasn't too bad! If you touched it it hurt and I couldn't walk very well. I couldn't straighten my leg or put my heel on the ground it was too tight. Stairs sucked! I just felt yucky and Shawn was flying so I got rid of the kids-the active one to preschool and the whiny 2 year old to Kaycee's house-thanks Jen and Kaycee! That night I went to our Relief Society Dinner Group. I got in the car, went in the restaurant and sat down. It was nice to get out! I know I was crazy to go but it was fun and it took my mind off my leg! Shawn would be gone ALL day Friday so I made plans for my mom to pick me up and take me to hang at my sister's house for the day. I felt a lot better already! I was amazed! I was walking better-still felt a little yucky but better! I got to take off my bandage and look at my bruised cut leg! Ewe! Of course I have pictures! I will post them soon in a collage so if you want to see them you can click on it and make it big and if not, you can hurry and scroll past so you don't see too much! lol I think it's cool!

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I had to keep the initial bandages on for 48 hours without getting wet. Now I have to change the bandages two times a day and clean with hydrogen peroxide then cover with a layer of neosporin. Since I can't have bandaids apparently (cause of my reaction to them) I am using non-stick pads over the cut and covering it with paper tape. This has also caused some skin problems too so I had to go a few days with gauze over the bandage and then tape in different places so my skin could rest. Last night I bought some paper tape for sensitive skin to try. Hopefully it works!

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I am so amazed at how much better I feel! By Saturday, I was walking a lot better and now sometimes I forget I'm wounded! That is until Karah runs to me and tries to use my leg as a fireman's pole (she's slide down that leg three times the last few days! Ouch!)

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I went to the temple last Tuesday (pre-op) to be with my friend who got her endowments out. It was a great experience and I felt a lot better about everything I was going through too when we left! I also got a priesthood blessing from the bishop the night before and we've said lots of prayers. I'm sure it's all helped! Thanks for all your concern, thoughts, prayers and phone calls! I never knew I had such a following! Thanks for making me feel special and loved! It's been a week today and I feel fine! It looks like it's healing well. The bruising is already turning yellow and normal skin color on the inside! My friend said it might be because I am pregnant and have more blood running through my body-maybe it's healing faster! Sounds good to me! Maybe the timing was right for this all to happen! Thanks again!

Update...

I am still alive! Just kidding! They didn't end up putting me to sleep for the operation (thank goodness!) It went well. They are sending the tissues to the lab and hopefully we got it all! It was a difficult place to cut and stitch because the area is so tight but they did it! I will write more about it when I can feel it. Right now I am fine (just need to take it easy) but when I can feel my leg again...that will be another story! Hopefully the lidocane (sp?) stays put till the morning so I can sleep tonight! ;)

Surgery Scheduled for...

Wednesday, January 14th at 4pm

the good or the bad news first?

First the good news (I might make it sound like not good news but it is. It really is! Be forewarned...This isn't like one of my usual posts. I usually don't like to write much because I tend to blabber about unimportant stuff and I don't like to think and put myself out there. This time I feel it's important because I really need to get it all out so I can move on.)

I don't know where to start. I don't know why this has been such a hard thing to do. I've done it many times before but this time has been different. I found out a very long time ago that I am pregnant. Now, I am the kind of person that can't hold that news in and has to tell everyone right away, so why is this time different? I don't know. Maybe it was my husband's reaction. Maybe it was my daughter's reaction (well, when you have your baby, I'll just have to go and live with Grandma T!) Maybe it was my reaction. This was a surprise. Shawn isn't working. We wanted to wait till we were in a home. I wanted to go to Germany again this summer. (Now I just get to crave the food there!) Maybe I am disappointed in my reaction. I knew from right away that this is how it's supposed to be and we should just trust in Heavenly Father because he knows more than us and he knows what we can handle. But, I still wasn't psyched...and I still haven't really told anyone. Maybe I was a little disappointed at the timing. I was working with my doctor to get my meds straightened out, in future appts we would be working on my restless legs, insomnia, skin cancer, SI Joint, ADD and possible fibromyalgia. (I know, I sound broken-I feel broken!) Now this is all on hold. I was trying to better myself and now it will be another 2 year detour. Maybe the focus on someone else will help me feel better. It hasn't in the past but maybe this time it will. I think I really am excited but I'm not letting myself be. Why is that?! Since family found out, people are excited. Our mom's and dad's are excited. Brothers and sisters. Even Shawn and Karah are fine with the idea. Karah I think is in the excited category now. Alyssa just says "I be baby" and wants us to hold her like a baby. She must think her position in the family is being threatened. I feel terrible that none of my friends know. We decided last week to wait until after my appointment today and then I would tell all of you. I think by going to the doctor and seeing the heartbeat and the tiny body it will seem more real. I hope it will make me excited! I love being pregnant-despite the suckiness of it sometimes. This time I am not very sick. I pee all the time and I am super super tired. Maybe that's why I am not all hyper about it-because I have no energy. I get morning sickness at night instead of all day...that's weird. Anyways, here's how I told the family... We put this in a tiny stocking and gave it to them at Christmas.

The baby is due August 9th. That's one day after Karah's due date (but she was actually born a week earlier.) Karah will be five when he or she is born and Alyssa will be almost three. We will have our 10 year anniversary just prior to it's arrival. Also, Karah will start full day Kindergarten this fall. It should be good timing! I am almost 10 weeks along...about 1/4 the way done already. Crazy.

Now, onto the not so good news. I had my doctor look at some moles I have and he said I should go to a dermatologist. I found one and made an appt. At this point I wasn't pregnant yet. I had to wait quite a while (don't know why...) but I finally had my appt three days before Christmas. I have many atypical moles and they marked them on my chart the location, size, shape and color of them. We are to check monthly at home for any changes and get another full body scan in the office every 6 months. I thought there were numerous others that looked suspicious. I thought I would leave looking like swiss cheese. I took it as a good sign that they only felt the need to take one to biopsy. I was to find out within a week the results. I didn't. I figured the holidays messed it up. Finally I called. Nope. I decided to wait for my appt to get my stitches out. While I was there and the nurse was taking them out I mentioned that my hubby said he could have just taken them out, I didn't have to come in. I should have known by her reaction of NO, you needed to come in. The doctor needs to talk to you about your test results. I guess I did know because everything else is sort of a blur. He came in and talked to me about Melanoma. Did I know what that is. yes. Apparently the tests came back positive and I need to have my melanoma removed now. Not right now because I still have swelling in the site from the biopsy. They want to wait till that goes down so they can have a clear view of the borders of it for the operation. Yes, I will be getting put under. Yes, he knows I am pregnant. Yes, we have to do it before it metastisizes (spreads.) We did catch it early but how big of a chunk will they have to take out? I won't know till I wake up. I am glad they caught it early. Apparently that bad feeling I had was real and not just me being a hypocondriac. Maybe that's why I wasn't as excited about the baby. Maybe I am worried about it's tiny little body inside my not so healthy one. I have been through this before but I was 12 and 13. I wasn't the one receiving the news with my two year old as my support. My mom got it and then told me. (Mom, why did you come tell me at school? I was fine when she told me but later I broke down crying about how I had cancer and I could die-embarrassing!) It's different now. I have a life. I have a husband. I have children. They are depending on me and I don't know what to do. Especially since I haven't shared any of this with anyone. Well, I guess everyone knows now! Hopefully just getting it out will help me feel better because I am not holding it in anymore. I know they'll just cut it out and I'll be fine. No pain meds!!! But I'll be fine! It will hurt and I may not be able to walk well for awhile but maybe it will cure me of crossing my legs, which is super bad for my SI joint. I am trying to look for the positive in both situations. I really am excited for another beautiful angel! I know having cancer will teach me something. I guess I am just scared. I don't know how else to put it! I don't feel like I should be scared but I guess I am scared of how bad it could have been. How bad it could be next time.

And onto the pictures! Yes, I am that kind of person that takes pictures of my wounds! They are like trophies! Here's the day I got the stitches. I had to keep them covered for 24 hours. Then I had to take a picture. lol! Then I was to wash it out with hydrogen peroxide, layer neosporen on it and put on a new bandaid. Two times a day. Awe! Purty! The girls were so good with helping me do my wound care. Very cute!I wasn't expecting a bruise so I had to take a picture! (You can already see the outline of the bandaid in pink...) Warning...gross picture next!So, I think I have figured out that I might be allergic to adhesive. Why? You ask? Well, first off, my flesh is falling off! It blisters up and then the adhesive takes the skin with it. This isn't the first time it's happened to me either so maybe I should go get tested so I know exactly what the problem is and what to avoid. I tried putting a bandaid on each area parallel to each other but that just made pink and red lines the other directions. I tried putting gauze on them and wrapping them with an ace bandage but when that slides down it hurts! Finally, I decided that I'd let it get some air. Probably not the best idea because now it looks a little infected but blah! This is how I look now with the stitches out.

I went to the doctor for the baby today and everything looks good. He says the baby should be fine during the surgery. He even said I could have some pain meds (I don't want to unless I have to though.) Tonight when I got home there was a message from Dr Neville's office so I will call him in the morning. They probably have a surgery date to tell me. I'll keep everyone posted! Later! (I feel better today! Last night when I wrote most of this post I was pretty bogged down with my feelings and what was going on and I was having trouble sorting them out. That's why I sounded so down but now that it's out, I feel better! Thanks for being my free psychologist!)